Lately, I have tried to pay attention to how often I compliment people on things that don't matter much. It's amazing how often I say, "I really like your shoes/dress/sweater/pin/new haircut etc." I find myself noticing the shade of blue someone is wearing while missing other important things such as if the person seems down in the dumps.
It's much easier to talk about shoes for 2 minutes in passing than it is to really ask how someone is doing. There's, "How are you?" and then there's, "How are you?" I don't ask, "How are you?" nearly enough.
There are a few people with whom I find myself becoming annoyed because of personality clashes or downright odd behavior at random times. But, since paying attention to how often I actually ask people how they are doing, I noticed that one of the people I get annoyed with is really a sweet person who does ask after me a lot. She still does things that I find strange from time to time, but she also asks how I'm doing both when it is convenient and when it is not.
I learned today that social convention is really backward. Which would I rather have, someone who likes my orange sweater today or somebody who notices when I don't feel well or am sad? Do I really want to be the person who avoids asking if someone is feeling ok by finding something dreadfully superficial to fill a few social minutes of passing time?
